Why Adoption?

It only seems fitting that I take a moment to share a bit of my heart concerning this journey that I am on as a mom. As you know, I have the honor of adopting Paige (well, we actually describe it as an adoption of each other) into my family. I realize, however, that I really have not taken the time to share how we came to this place.

It is human nature to assume things about each other. I am often amazed at how quickly I make assumptions about others, and work to simply listen rather than make snap judgments. So, I am sure that people have made assumptions about my decision to first become a foster parent, and then to move into the place of adoptive parent. I even had some one tell me that I must have gotten tired of waiting for Mr. Right and just decided to go it alone. So, let me see if I can open a window to the depths of me and give you a better idea of my motivations.

My desire to help children is one that can be traced far into my childhood. I remember wishing and praying that God would lead a mother who could not care for her child to our doorstep. I had dreams of babies being left on our doorstep in a basket much like Moses. I remember in high school begging my parents to become foster parents. I would tell them, "you do the paperwork, and I will take care of the children." Fortunately, my parents knew that fostering was not for them, but the desire to open my home and heart never went away for me.

Like many, I spent my twenties trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. (And yes, for the record I am still trying to figure that out, probably will be even when I am a little old lady) And though this desire took a back seat for a time during those years it never went away. As I was moving into my third decade I once again started to feel God's call to open my home to children in need. My greatest inspiration came when I met my friend Diane shortly after I started to attend Imago Dei. Diane had been a foster parent as a single woman and had adopted her daughter. For the first time, I saw that it was possible and was inspired to get signed up for the classes. So, on my 30th birthday, I met with a DHS Certifier to start the process.

Within months God had provided a cute little house for me to buy. Right across the street from an elementary school, and on January 31st, 2006 a wee Paige came to my doorstep and in an instant I had moved from care free and a bit directionless to mom!

Now if you have dealt with a government agency on any level you KNOW that the process was not simple on any level. It was in fact the most difficult thing that I have ever embarked on. AND yet without a doubt the most healing. You see, when you invite a child who has experienced chaos and trauma you will have to come face to face with your own experiences of pain and loss. This was true for me in big ways. I chose to embrace that in my life, and have been on a beautiful healing journey over the past few years. It is not complete, but I know that I am able to love others in deeper ways as a direct result of the healing that has taken place in me.

That brings me to adoption...
It is one thing to do foster care which in theory is for a short term, but adoption brings it all to a different level. Was I, as the aforementioned naysayer mentioned, "just desperate for a family"? No, too be honest the hat of single mom, while fitting more comfortably, has never been one that I ever intentionally sought out. I continue to pray that a partner will come into my journey, so no impatience was not the motivation. It was in a word, love. Does that sound like a cliche? It may, but it is true. I fell deeply in love with my daughter. There have been many times throughout the past three years when I just did not think that I could do it, and even gave up. The connection between Paige and I continued to grow in spite of my fears. Even now I am amazed at the ways that our love continues to grow and deepen.

When things were really uncertain, I said a pray to my Father. My prayer was simple: "Father, I cannot fight anymore. I give Paige to you. If she is to stay in my family it will be your miracle, and I will not run away out of fear. I trust you."

As we move closer to finalization, this prayer continues to ring true. Paige is in the hands of her Father not in my hands. We rest in that truth. That is where I get my hope, not in my ability as a parent, not in any sort of female sense of empowerment, but rather in the simple hands open in faith.

Finally, let me say that the journey has just begun. It is far from over. Paige is a beautiful 9 year old today, and amazes me on a daily basis. I am learning the fine art of motherhood, and still have so much to learn. I am so thankful that we are not alone, but are surrounded by a community that is alive.

My favorite Scripture is Ephesians 3:20:
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Glory to God in the church!
Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
Glory down all the generations!
Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!

I am a proud dreamer, but what this tells me is that Christ is able to go above and beyond my dreams. Trust me, that is pretty amazing! How can I help but be excited as I trust Him?

Thank you for allowing me to share my heart. You are a part of this story. May you be blessed today!

Love,